TWC 1 Deleted Scene

"Wow! This is just like a DVD!" I hear you saying to yourself, or perhaps to your friend or loved one as you eagerly read this blog together, as is your weekly tradition. (Oh yes, I know all about the life you lead.)

Anyway, though. From the length of my fics these days it probably seems I don't do any editing at all; contrary to that, though, I actually go over everything I write and take out things that don't really have any purpose. No, seriously, I do. *G* If the scene worked, other than just looking like padding, then I keep it in a separate file. So I thought, might as well post some here, right?

This then is a scene that originally came at the start of Act II, Chapter 3 of "Double-Plait Bolt". It's fairly short, but was long enough that I felt it would make a difference in the length if I snipped it; plus it didn't say anything I couldn't leave inferred or just put someplace else. Here is Beth getting ready, and being a nervous wreck, to take the bolt to Drake. For context I'm including the first paragraph of the next scene, which is actually the first scene in the released version of the chapter. Enjoy! I'd love any feedback!


****

Beth awoke with a jerk, surrounded by hardware manuals and encylopedias. The light in her bedroom was on and judging from the odd feeling in her cheek, she'd fallen asleep with her face on the edge of a book again. She touched the cheek gingerly, and found a medium-sized groove on the side of her face.

She groped for her glasses, came up empty, and realized they were still on her face; after adjusting to that, she fumbled for the clock instead and found it was nearly six-thirty a.m. Only about four hours since she'd fallen asleep, assuming she hadn't made it far since the last time she'd checked the clock. The idea of "research" on the double-plait bolts had seemed like a good one at one in the morning, but now it was starting to look as if she may have sabotaged herself. She wanted to get to Drake Mallard's house before he left for work, whenever that might be, and so she was going to have to hurry.

Her shower was necessarily quick, and as she dashed around her house getting dressed she rehearsed and revised what she'd say. "Mr. Mallard, I know this is unexpected, but we like to be very efficient at Bindler's." That sounded okay, but she could do better.

"We go the extra step for our customers!" she told her reflection as she paused before brushing her teeth. "That was really good. More like that. Um..." She thought, squeezing the toothpaste tube absently, and ended up with about a triple serving of toothpaste on her brush. "Ack! Gross!"

Her hair was dry enough. She brushed it fifty times, swept it forward over her shoulders, pushed it back, tied it with a barrette, and finally pulled it back in a ponytail. She thought about her bangs, if she should try parting them a different way; but when she pushed them around, no matter what she tried they just looked fluffy and shapeless, so she combed them with her fingers back to the way they always were.

She couldn't seem to sit still, so she wandered back into the living room, then picked up the bolt and examined it. Double-plait bolts were so *odd* looking, she couldn't quite figure out whose idea they had been. They all came with a standard curve to the body of the bolt, which made them incredibly specialized; surely no one would think of designing anything that would need a bolt like this unless the bolt already existed, so it wasn't as if they'd been created to fill a specific need.

What if he'd already found one? Could he have found one since eleven o'clock the night before? That seemed unlikely. She tried to imagine what he would say when she presented the bolt to him. Would he be grateful? Would he be impressed with her dedication? Maybe he'd just be relieved that whatever it was he needed the bolt for would finally be finished. Maybe he'd tell her all about what it was. If he didn't tell her, maybe she should ask, to show that she was interested. She looked in the mirror and smiled, trying to find the shape or look that was most becoming to her face. "You really don't owe me anything," she said quietly, modestly, to her reflection. "I could tell this was important to you, so I thought it was a good idea to rush. Oh, no, I couldn't possibly take any money. ...Dinner? Well... Gosh, this is so unexpected..."

She thought seriously, for a moment or two, about tying a bow around it and putting it in a little box. It seemed like a great, fun idea for about three seconds, and then she suddenly realized that it was a crazy idea and that if she did it, he would think she was insane. She'd probably look like she worked in a hardware store out of a simple love of hardware, which was nothing like the case.

The clock told her that it was eight past seven. She needed to get going. She looked all over her kitchen table for Drake Mallard's address and phone number, finally found it under a book of local street maps, and remembered that she hadn't written out her directions yet. Thank goodness, he lived on a street that was only about twenty minutes' walk away from her! It was so coincidental that it seemed almost preordained.

She grabbed the bolt, her bag, and a jacket, and with her heart thudding in her chest, she scurried out the door.

***

The month of September was not generally among Gosalyn Mallard's favourite months, for various reasons, but it did have a few things going for it. Baseball and soccer were both in full season, which was a plus since it meant there was usually *something* on TV, and even the obvious downside - returning to school - was a little offset by getting to catch up with some friends who you usually lost touch with over the summer.

etc...

Penultimate Authors Notes

Bum-bum-bummmmmm!

There will be only one chapter after this one. I actually have a deleted scene that would have gone in the previous chapter and I was going to post it and forgot, I also forgot to reference it in the notes. I can go back and edit them though, I guess, can't I? Shall do. Perhaps post the scene in question next week. Meanwhile: TWC1, Act 3, Scene 1!

***

References, etc:

- "Yoink." "Yoink?!" comes directly from "The Simpsons", which I find I cannot keep from quoting constantly in my day-to-day life, so it's not only in my fics that it pops up all the time.
- It's not clear, but if you have seen "Reboot", the way DW says "Megavolt." at the beginning of this chapter should be read in exactly the same way that Bob says "Megabyte." in that show. I have been wanting to make that reference for YEARS.
- Obviously this chapter refers heavily to "Clash Reunion" for all the reunion stuff.

I made up my mind that I wanted to write Megavolt mostly congenial in this scene. It seemed really funny to me. In particular once I got on the idea that he would be all "OMG DRAKE HIIII!" the idea cracked me up completely.

"You remember that guy Hamm? I've been wanting to catch up with *him* for a while now." For some reason I love this. ;D

The "where've you been all night?" "Um, at home asleep?" exchange between Megs and Beth was suggested during prereading of the very first draft of this fic, waaaaay back in 1995 I think it was, by Kim McFarland. She made a huge lot of other suggestions too and was very very kind to me over what was really, fundamentally, a pretty mediocre fic. I probably would have given up fanfic writing if not for her encouragement, so I owe her a LOT.

It's not exactly a reference, since it's not a direct line, but Megavolt's list of all the places he tried to track Beth down is inspired by a very similar bit in Who Framed Roger Rabbit, recited by Roger after he tried to find Eddie Valiant. Of course in that one it was "But the liquor store guy... *he* knew." Heh.

In a crisis, I tend to go back and forth between having Gosalyn be very brave and proactive, and having her back off nervously. I think that's what she tends to do on the show, too, but I may overdo it (I like to have DW be the one who actually does the heroics, so Gos often just gets rescued); I interpret it as Gos getting all fired-up and going off without thinking, then realizing just how much danger she's in and not being able to think of a way out, so kind of fizzling a bit. If she WERE left to her own devices, for long enough, she'd probably get spitfirey again.

I had a lot of comments about how Drake is really, really hard on Beth here and perhaps too hard. ...I think I stand by how he speaks to her. Keep in mind that not only did she bring Megavolt there - even by accident - it was also due to her presence that he couldn't save Gosalyn right away. He needs a scapegoat and she's it. And yeah, he is mean, but I've seen him get pretty PO'd, even with people he DOES like. (He's said some pretty awful things to Gos and LP, not to mention Morgana.)

The triumphant return

So it took me a year. But I'm back with more chapter notes! And now you can do what I did, and reread all the older posts! ;D

So I left off at the end of Act II, and thus I finish the act up with Chapter 3. I am actually working on this fic again - though it is slow-going due to new family member - and I'm on the final chapter. I'm not going to say something like "I'm hoping to have it done by such-and-such date" or even just "soon" because I have no idea when I will be able to finish it. But I'm working on it anyway! In the meantime, here are the notes for Chapter 3 of Act II.

These are a lot shorter than the previous ones, mostly because a lot of what I could say here - character motivation, etc - I have already gone into. So enjoy! If I am able I'd like to try to update this blog once a week from here on out, but this is early, so we all know better than to expect any consistency from me. ^_~

References, etc:

- "The Simpsons" - Gosalyn's line about "getting reacquainted with my old friend television" comes from the show's "Rear Window" parody, after Bart breaks his leg and is confined to his room all summer long.
- "Moonlighting" - "Do birds bird? Do bees bee?", which is such a ridiculous line that I had to write it in. It also may be one of the only things David Addison has ever said that could be transferred to Gosalyn. XD
- The Music Man - Marion the Librarian
- Addams Family Values - This is where the line that serial killers "look just like everyone else" comes from.

There is a deleted scene to this chapter, believe it or don't. I write way too freaking much (duh) but although you can't tell, sometimes I actually DO read over what I've written and taken stuff out. I wrote a scene about Beth getting ready to go to see Drake, but although I liked it, it added nothing to the plot so I took it out. I'll post it here. SPECIAL BONUS CONTENT.

I don't know when "teacher's days" actually occur in the school year these days. I seem to remember them falling in September. Maybe I'm thinking of Back To School nights. :P Also I don't think they're called Teachers' Days but meh.

Is there even such a thing as truant officers now? Have they existed since, like, the 50s? :D I have a feeling not, but I like the thought that Gosalyn thinks they do since maybe she saw the idea on TV (like I did) and believes they're still around. *G*

The stuff with Gosalyn shouting is the clearest example I have of myself fleshing out what I had previously written, using the first as an outline. I think in that one Beth was, like, surprised by Gosalyn's lung power or something. You can almost use that as a stage direction. *lol* I decided to leave in the "and she's cute!" line, after some debate, justifying it by implying that Gosalyn may well be lying just to get Drake to come downstairs.

I thought it would be really hard to pull off, but in the end, I *like* seeing Beth through Gosalyn's POV in this scene. I think she's really in character, and Gos's take on her seems about what I would expect; she doesn't dislike her, she just has no real interest in her at all and finds her a little odd.

Also, I needed some kind of reason why Beth would want to babysit and why Gosalyn would put up with it, so the idea that she gets along decently with kids actually fits her character. She's intimidated by other adults, but relates okay to children.

Just in case you read between the lines and were wondering if you read it properly... well... if you kind of got the sense that Beth jumps to the conclusion that Drake and Launchpad are living together because they're... *living together*... yeah, I wrote that intentionally. Because honestly, as an adult, I couldn't think of a way that she wouldn't reach that conclusion. Meanwhile I had a bear of a time coming up with a way for her to be reassured it was NOT the case, since I also can't see any circumstance in which either Drake or LP would ever, EVER realize that someone would think that about them. *lol*

Launchpad's "I just crash here" line is pun intended, on my part that is. Not from him. Then again maybe "crash" is just naturally in his vocabulary. ^_~

I don't know where the "herding" trick Drake uses on Beth came from. It just seems to make sense - Beth wants to make sure she's not in anyone's way, so she naturally moves when they seem to be walking in her direction so that she's not blocking their path, or something.

Tiny bit of foreshadowing, I suppose, with Drake being surprised by how Beth can actually be useful. If circumstances had gone differently he would have revised his opinion of her by the end of this meeting; so naturally I had to make things harder on her and shove Megavolt into it so that he'd have an excuse to go on disliking her. Wheee! Character torture! :D

My favourite Gosalyn line in this fic is "I'm saving it all up for med school." (Is it egotistical to have a favourite line?)

I don't know why, but when it comes to writing Drake and Gosalyn there is nothing I like as much as writing their back-and-forths about something Gos has done. It's just FUN. :D


Aaaand that covers another chapter! And it only took me a year! Holy moley!

Sloggin' through the chapter notes...

Here's chapter two of act II, still on TWC1. I'm at least catching up to as much of it as I have written, now... :)

References etc:

-"The Simpsons" - "Boy, would my face have been red!" That's one of Homer's lines, see, so there's a Dan Castellaneta reference too! *G* I believe it's from "Homer's Enemy".
-Ummm... this chapter is essentially a continuation of the previous one, so... there's not really much else. :P

Oh, I really do love that grappling hook gag ^_^

Heh. I kind of like the way I play the Beth/LP stuff here. It's like one big sleight of hand trick, where first LP is focused on Beth... why? Because he wuvs her? Oh, uh, no, it's because she keeps asking about DW and LP isn't sure how to divert her attention. Then there's the entire rationalization about how he's NOT interested in her. I think I have sort of discovered a small handful of new readership with this rewrite, and they may actually NOT realize that the tide turns to LP/Beth. It's just been so taken for granted for so long that I'm enjoying it a little this way, not in a "mwahaha, I'm messing with heads!" way, but I quite like the idea that I can maybe have new fans who will enjoy the new, more gradual set-up I have planned, without knowing what's coming. :) Boy, that note got away from me! This was supposed to just say, simply, I just realized I'm kinda faking people out but perhaps with too much protestation. *G*

Not really sure how, precisely, this whole "social work" idea as an excuse for Drake's "actual" work came about. Nor am I sure how convincing it is, but it doesn't have to last much longer. ;)

I came up with the taxi stuff one day while walking from my car to my office (I park about a block away). I liked it, and rereading what I wrote now, I still like it. How much of it is because LP is a gentleman, and how much of it is because it's Beth, I'm not sure. We'll just have the lines blurred, I suppose.

Another similarity between myself and Beth: I cannot bear to let people give me money for something spontaneously. It makes me VERY uncomfortable.

"That's enough outta you, you big bully!" is *almost* a reference, since I'm kind of going back to Dead Duck in terms of Launchpad's inability to improvise dramatic dialogue on an appropriate scale. ("You'll never work in this town again!") The "big bully" part is probably proof he should've stopped. ;)

I always liked Megs stepping over the side of the roof in the original. I like how I rewrote it even more, though. "An interesting, yet brief, sound". Heh. The best part is, Dan Castellaneta has such a great repertoire of interesting sounds, I can dream he'd do that description justice. ^_^

The "recovery" of Darkwing is one of those moments that just fits better into a cartoon - I tried to shy away from "physical gags" and such in fanfic, since they don't translate well, but it's the kind of show Darkwing is so I can't quite avoid 'em completely. On the other hand, this is mild enough that it can be described reasonably well. It's just so hard to get cartoony visual gags into words - I'm sure most authors know just what I'm talking about, and most avoid them for the very same reason.

I don't think Darkwing's "Not awake?" line works. Sigh. I had trouble thinking of something and that doesn't quite fit as well as I'd hoped.

How obvious is it that Beth calls Drake by his full name, all the time, even in her head? It's like Jordan Catalano!

Poke at myself, for sticking Megs on a bunch of rooftops this time around for some reason. I think he spends like half the fic on a rooftop somewhere or other, and there are about three or four of them. I realized this was excessive, but had no better ideas (and I DID think - figuring out the timing and placement of, for instance, Beth's trip home and Megavolt's decision to try to follow her, took a while) so I just made fun of myself a bit. *G*

There's another joke that I felt was kinda nicely subtle as Megs counts the bolts again: his certainty that the bolts have multiplied, as if the number is in flux, and he might now have not only one extra but several.

The end!

Read Along With Zebbie!

I need to create a new tag, now that I have that nifty title. Yeesh, just... I am lame. :P Anyway though.

Act II begins with my second big Megavolt scene. This is actually sorta proof of how clueless I am when writing Megavolt. I get very, very lost because I don't have an internal Megs "voice" - I think I actually had more of one in high school, believe it or not - so I tend to just write in silliness and do a slightly stream-of-consciousness kind of bit. Stream-of-consciousness usually works for Megs. I also do enjoy throwing in really ridiculous phrases, like "extremely beautiful lady pigeons".

So that's our starting point. References for this chapter:
- "Not once; not twice; but thrice" - the Simpsons, an early episode with the Nuclear Plant softball ringers. Ahhh, Burns.

- "All he could do was stare at them, the bolts, his albatross" - Rime of the Ancient Mariner, in a really stupid I've-Never-Actually-Read-It kind of way. The reference is that the bolts are the albatross around his neck... and... verrrrry few people probably needed that explained. SIGH.

- Brief and totally not-clever reference to "Clash Reunion" since Beth thinks Megs's name is "Megawatt". SHE is not the one referencing the ep. I am because I stuck it in there for fans so they would think I was clever.

Nothin' much else. Unless you count referencing my earlier draft of this fic as a reference; I brought back the pigeon bit. Kind of. :) I don't know where the pigeon bit came from in the OV; I just thought it was funny. I made so much out of it, though, that when I was rewriting I felt it had to show up again. It's like an homage. ;P I actually didn't know quite how to fit it in there, either.

By the way, as of the writing of that scene I still am not at all sure what Megavolt is DOING. (I know now. Honest, I do.) Shhhh! Don't tell anyone! It's such sloppy writing!

"Poor pigeon" - as you can see, I couldn't bring myself to actually kill the dumb bird. Though, I leave it up to the reader to guess if the pigeon DW and LP see fly away is actually the same one Megs refers to in his POV scene. If so, it's not a pigeon that learns very quickly.

The "stealth" stuff is not a reference to anything. But I thought it was very, very funny... inside my head. Not sure it works quite as well if you're not me. But that's your loss. ^_^ Oh, and I couldn't resist an opportunity to take a potshot at one of my least favourite words of all time: "healthful". GUESS WHAT, THE WORD YOU WANT TO USE IS "HEALTHY" SO :P :P :P (Yes. I am in 8th grade.)

Please, please, please don't let me be the only person who thinks it's funny that Megavolt would mistake a grappling hook for a robotic spider, and take a liking to it. PLEASE.

And here we get to Beth's narrative, explaining - at least in part - why she fell for him. I kind of did that in my notes last time, but here's a version within the fic that I like a li'l bit better. Yay, good for me! Of course it's me being in love with words again. ;D Anyway, this topic will show up again in later fics, naturally, because Beth ruminates. But this gives us the gist. Also, right now she's really only sort of taken with him and intrigued by him; the real crush part will come a tiny bit later (though really, by the end of the fic, she's pretty gone).

The Launchpad and Beth sequence - the one that is within this chapter - was hard for me to write. Often when I write them they kind of ramble and have trouble getting to the point (probably because Beth has that trouble, and unlike my lack of a Megavolt voice, the Beth voice in my head is very very strong and likes to take over conversations), and this was no exception. I had a direction I wanted the conversation to go in, and moreover I had a direction I wanted the POV to go in; getting it there was hard. There seem to be a lot of things Beth doesn't want to directly address. :P

That's all for now! Lala! I thought I might get to chapter 2 tonight, but it's late and me want sleep. More later though - honest this time!

Boo on me!

Yeah I keep saying I'm going to post more often, don't I? Okay, here's the deal this time around. I have, for the past three or so weeks, just not been writing. It's not even writer's block, it's just like a general indifference. Oh, I intend to write while I'm not at home. Then I get home and it's like "Naaaahhhh, not tonight."

Well, tonight I forced myself to finish a chapter of "All About Elizabeth" that had been sitting in near-completion for about three weeks (seriously, since the middle of August) and get that done, and since I don't feel like starting the second-to-last chapter of "Double-Plait Bolt" right yet I'm going to do the note-thing instead. The reason I put that off is because I am usually coding it for my website at the same time (let me at some point go into the sheer futility of this exercise, but not now) and I'm lazy about that. :P

Anyway though! Stay tuned directly for some (surprisingly short this time, I think) notes on Act II of "Double-Plait Bolt"'s rewrite!

Notes On TWC1, Chapter 2

Humongous Author Notes take two! These are so huge that they took me six weeks to complete. Well... obviously not REALLY... but check those dates and arrive at your own conclusion!

Anyway, first the references and inspirations:

- "I gotta go to the can!" - Haunted Honeymoon
- "I'll make a note of that in my log" - Star Trek: First Contact
- "Her?" - Arrested Development (you'll only get it if you know AD, otherwise it's just a word. And if you do know AD, you'll also know why I used it twice.)
- "He sort of bought all we had..." - Beth's repetition of "Sort of" is inspired loosely by a scene in "NewsRadio" where Dave Nelson keeps saying "Well, apparently..."
- "These are the addresses and phone numbers of six different..." - A nod to Amanda Rohrssen's "The Other McCawber Girl", a scene which has not yet been publically released, but you will know it when you read it.

And in noteville:

The retail schedule I go over at the start here is based around some of my own in the past. Very few places I have worked ever had only one employee on shift at a time, but there have been a couple - usually in the morning - in very small, low-volume places.

Most of Henny's dialogue sounds best if you imagine it being spoken by Fran Drescher in her most irritating "Nanny"-esque voice. Oh I love Henny. ^_^

I had the WORST time coming up with stuff from Launchpad's perspective. Just for the record, there. I felt like every scene I wrote from him POV either over-explained things or left them too undetailed. It goes back to my previous characterizations notes on why I find him a little hard to write, I guess... I don't want to have him overthinking things, because I think he kind of does the opposite of that, but it's hard to really explain a situation without! Oh well. I don't know why I began this but the kitchen sequence basically gives the first chronological example of me writing LP stuck on - and pretty awful at - crosswords. It's the earliest time it happens in one of my fics but definitely not the first time I've written it... Though I must concede that I think a lot of the earlier times were in versions I later rewrote.

And still on the topic of writing for Launchpad, my attempts at writing him flirting are pretty pathetic. Then again I think he's not the greatest flirter in the world anyway. ;) It has to be just gentle enough so that Beth can convince herself that he's NOT flirting with her, but cute enough so that everyone else can tell that he is... or trying to, anyway.

I don't know how well Beth's feelings are portrayed here. I think I spell it out later, but Beth herself doesn't think of things entirely straightforwardly, so for anyone who wondered here's the straight dope: Beth really likes LP, but she is afraid of him, because he's "too cool" to be friends with her and she's afraid if she acts like she thinks they're real friends he'll get turned off by that and leave. On the other hand she wants to play it cool, too, so she tries to be casual. The "look for moles for me" is a product of that, which - once she thinks about it later - is WAY more intimate than she is actually comfortable being. Beth's whole relationship with Launchpad at this point is almost entirely conflicting on every point, in that she likes him but doesn't want to, is scared of him and also feels nicely put at ease by him, looks forward to seeing him and is terrified of his visits, and especially, feels both better and worse about herself after each time he comes in. She also can't make up her mind whether he really likes her or if he's just being friendly, which only makes her worse.

And while I'm spelling things out: Beth falls for Drake because he touches the back of her neck and tells her it's perfect. This is an unasked-for compliment and an unexpected intimacy that she misinterprets as kindness. With Launchpad she has her shields up; because Drake takes her by surprise, and because he looks more "attainable" than LP, she has no shields. The first rush of giddiness is addictive enough to overcome her better sense, and she lets herself fall for him.

Despite my maintaining that Launchpad is not openly interested in Beth at this stage, I couldn't resist writing things like him noticing that she smells nice. Because I am wacky like that! Don't boys always notice that kinda thing? :P

Once again - I am not sure that the interaction between LP and Beth feels right for a 'first story'. Even though they know each other already, I keep forgetting it's an introduction to Beth and I'm incredibly aware that this probably doesn't read like an intro story. It's because I've written in such a nastily circular way, and am in fact writing that way even more right now since I'm working on a "current" story about flashbacks. It really screws you up to write a story with scenes that take place in the "past" with a perspective on current events, and at the same time work on a "past" story that takes place at approximately the same time but has NO perspective on "current" stuff.

All the stuff about LP and women? Does not convey what I want it to. I mean, informationally it works - it's what I want it to say - but I can't manage it to sound like it really is coming from LP. Oh well. *sigh*

Jerky!Drake. This is actually the explanation for why Jerky!Drake remains a main character in many of the earlier fics, rather than just a standard use. I'm trying to set up why DW would not like Beth from the start, and continue to go by that opinion of her rather than just ignore her like everyone else does, or something. Because I'm sorry, but I am not going to be rewriting this series so that DW takes a liking to her... That was just never going to happen. XD

The description of Henny when she enters is directly from the very first picture anyone drew of Henny - which was by Lar deSouza and can still be found on many websites. I have my own interpretation of Beth and how she looks, but Henny's character design is exactly what Lar did from the start.

"You're talking about Megavolt" and the "lightbulb" over LP's head: no pun intended! Just a fortunate - and silly - accident. *G*

For the record, I don't think that "Zip it!" is a reference to anything... I just thought it sounded funny in my head and would be amusing to have several characters say it in one scene. I don't think I'll come back to it, at least not in this fic, since that would be overkill.

It's dawned on me just now some of what's missing in my writing Drake. I'm missing the drama and showmanship he puts into some of his little actions; I tend to replace it with snark, of which DW has plenty, but he's not so one-note as I write him. But I find snark easier to write, especially when he's in the mood I've placed him in during this scene, so the snark wins this round. XD Maybe I can make myself write in more drama in future fics, now that I've had this insight! Thank you, Blogspot.com, for showing me the way!